Loving is NOT Owning

“Loving is not owning, you can let it go” , a familiar line from a famous song; but twas true loving is not just having that person for your own sake, true love is more than just that. I may not be an expert love guru, nor an experienced lover neither did I even had a serious and long-time relationship in the past, what I just had experienced is falling in love to a person whom I think can never feel the same for me. Our story is not the usually legal story that a DALAGANG PILIPINA would have, it is out of the box for our personalities are both unpredictable. The story is some sort-of inverted but one I am definitely sure that I did loved him dearly. I may have had a lot of downfalls during that time that I loved him, but I guess life is all about learning.

At first stance, I am not sure of what we really had a MAGULONG USAPAN as how some might define it. It was really magulo for we are both strangers to each other but the initial awkwardness easily vanished because of the connection that we have had established. Unfortunately the connection did not stand stable for a long time, disturbances and noise mingled in. I never realized that I’ve come to the point that I am already fooling myself of what he really is, sort of convincing myself that there’s nothing wrong though in reality nothing seems to be right anymore. The connection, the only thing that I hold on to, suddenly fooled me to being just a fantasy or some sort of being in a virtual world.

I never stopped though I was already hurting big time, I never realized that I was already sacrificing too much for something that I’m not even sure if “is existing”. I got myself things, reasons and people to distract me, but the way was not that just right that made things even more complicated. Concealing a problem with another problem was it, and I was just so wrong that until now as I look down is still very much regretful of me.

Nothing was right, and now I am so much aching that I can’t let go of those burdens for I know that until now I STILL AM INLOVE with someone that I had created out of my desire of owning the ONE.

A Series of Unexpected Post I

He was a complete stranger introduced by an unexpected common friend, and probably, because of my one of a kind extroversion I didn't had a hard time being comfortable with him despite of his shyness and introversion.
Even before we crossed our ways,we already have a number of mutual friends, but never did we had any clue of the existence of one another even if some of my close friends does know him and his family very well. The start was a cliche, I got no hindsight of what might be the next for us or if there will be a next time. Little did I know that he shall be the next man to make me realize that I am still capable of loving someone apart from myself.
It all started so simple but

it marked so much that it had created another ME within ME

I never realized that in the process of knowing him, I shall be someone I never expected myself of being.

Shattered Thoughts

My mind is full of vague thoughts that I can't barely identify. I am thinking a lot of senseless things that I shouldn't entertain because these things simply make me I-N-S-A-N-E. I've been experiencing a lot of these in the past few months, probably these are all because of the no-brainer decisions I've made lately. However, I am yet to face my worst enemy - mySELF. I shall start my quest to identify what I really want for my future, battle to choose and do the right decisions, and argue to convince myself that life is not as ideal as how I had envisioned it when I was younger.

A Wave to a New You

As I look back to the previous year, I have realized that I have had done just so much. It is my last teenage year, and I have comprehended that as I say goodbye to being a teenager I have to face the responsibilities of being a grown-up. Gone are those days of being excused for doing foolish things, enough for those understandable excuses of being irresponsible and goodbye to those sweet words despite of mischievousness. I know a lot is ahead of me, expectations and obligations that I have to fulfill. I decided to start this journal to document the things that I shall be going through from this day on. I know it’ll be though, I know I will often fall, but I hold on to that one thing that I shall withstand everything. Keeping my fingers crossed, hoping that in the future I shall not regret of anything. Thus, I will be fulfilled of what I will be.